That day, I was rushing off to meet up with an appointment.
I couldn’t board a taxi because I didn’t book earlier and I hate getting into the traditional Lagos taxi because it could drive me crazy with cranky noise and all.
So danfo it was. The big bro danfo with an extended roof.
I didn’t want to board this bus. It seems my nostrils picked the scent of trouble from a distance and alerted my intuition to tell my legs not to proceed.
My legs refused to make a move from where I stood but the conductor kept doing his marketing theatrics and I decided to enter.
I was the only one who got in. Technically. But my bag came along, so that would theoretically make it two. But few people I know pay t-fares for buses. I’ve done so once or twice but I didn’t do so today.
We were quarter way there when the conductor asked me to pay. N500 found its way into his hands.
“How many people you dey pay for?” A funny question because everyone on my seat had paid him plus when I got in, I got in alone, after he did his theatrics with.
“One. How many people you see for here?”
“I say how many people you dey pay for?”
No, I can’t answer this so I did this instead, “You want make I pay for my bag?”
“See you, na so una dey fail exam for school.”
*laughter in the bus*
Typically, I would ignore but this was iyanga sleeping and trouble kept poking at him, so I shut him up with a one-liner, “You wey sabi pass exams, wetin you dey do as conductor?”
*laughter and more laughter; I swear, I laughed too*
The conductor didn’t give me my change; perphaps because of the one-liner and when I got down and he gave me N100 less and I discovered and chided him for trying to hold back my balance, he said to me, “Na your type dey enter bus run comot without paying conductor money.”
My heart broke. I looked at myself, draped in black. I think I looked at the N100 change and shook my head.
That was the last week of 2015. So I told myself, I’d do my best this year or next to upgrade from Danfo Tales or Taxi Tales to Personal Car Tales. We’ve got to stay progressive.